yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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