I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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