So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Randomize
