This is not my ceiling
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
