I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
