so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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