What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
