i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
