You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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