If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
