I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
