wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
