this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize