i want to swaddle you in tequila
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
