Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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