The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
