she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
