1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
