I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
