she looked like the before picture.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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