Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
