Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
