I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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