I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
ttyl tear gas
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
