My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
