i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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