You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
