I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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