Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
