Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
