I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
