Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
