Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
