He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Randomize