I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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