I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
