Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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