I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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