you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
