I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
