Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
