Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
