So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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