My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
