i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
