Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
