Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
