nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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