Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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