half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
