that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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