Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
