it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
