I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
