There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
