Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
