I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize