I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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