Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize