Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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