I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
