I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
