You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
