hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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