How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
