just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Damn victory sex feels great
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
